Catwoman

By James C. Hess

My friend, Alek, was thrilled when he asked his wife to marry him and she said 'yes', without hesitation. My friend, Alek, was thrilled when he learned he was to become a father for the first time. He was delighted to learn his child was a girl. He was again thrilled when he learned he was going to be a father for the second time, and he remained delighted when he learned the second and third children were girls.

After four births and four daughters, two of which are twins, he remains delighted and thrilled and happy.

Until recently, that is, when his oldest daughter, in the presence of the twins and the youngest, begged and pleaded to be allowed to see her favorite actress, Halle Berry, in the cinematic adaptation of the comic book character "Catwoman".

The fact his oldest child is not quite a teenager--she is just ten--has, no doubt, much to do with his concern and dismay.

But to be fair to his offspring he told her he would go see the movie in question first, and if he decided it was acceptable he would take all four to see it. (That the oldest, as mentioned, is ten, and the youngest is eight, also has much to do with his decision and resolution.)

Since my job is to see films and movies, and to make such determinations, more than not for parents such as Alek, I agreed to go with him to see "Catwoman".

Having now seen this flick Alek assures me not only will his daughters not see this movie while it is in theaters they will never see it, if for no other reason than to protect them and shelter them from what is undeniably bad taste, poor taste, on the part of all parties involved.

Most notably, and specifically, the aforementioned Halle Berry, who apparently is determined to destroy her credibility and respectability as an actor. Instead of demonstrating whatever talent, skills, and abilities she has an actor Ms. Berry has decided, instead, to engage on a path of self-destruction back taking on roles that are nothing less than soft core pornography.

Do not misunderstand: I am not a prude. I know and appreciate the virtues and asthetics of such things as high heels, leatherwear, role-playing, fantasies, and the likes. But I hold the belief that such things are appropriate only within a certain context. And that context, with regards to "Catwoman", is not now or here.

Which is why I cannot and do not recommend this movie for anyone of any age. Especially those for whom this movie was apparently made: Children.

I won't argue that Ms. Halle Berry has beauty, sex appeal, a figure to wonder after, eyes that can melt a cold soul, and lips that can make any man lust for. But. If Ms. Berry desires to be an actor or even an actress then she must be advised that roles such as this one only serve to do her a disservice.

Yes, the moviemakers did make much effort and did expend great energy to photograph Berry just-so. But apparently they were so consumed by this particular task none of them had time or passion to give thought or consideration to matching their visual work with their written work. Consequently, the story that should have been is not.

Now I could mount a substantial laundry list of the faults, failures, and shortcomings that go to make this movie, but, really, there is no point. This movie, short and sweet, blunt and hard, is a waste whose only claim to fame is that it trascends the known definition of 'failure'.

This is "Catwoman"! So why, then, do we not get to know what it is to be like Catwoman?

Could it be because there is a gross assumption on the part of the moviemakers: They have come to the belief that the majority of those who will see this flick are too young (read: Ignorant) to know the comic book origins of said Catwoman, and therefore it is unnecessary to expound them at length? Could it be because the moviemakers themselves do not actually know the origins of Catwoman and, therefore, are quick to forgo offering exposition on this matter?

I suggest it owes much to deliberate laziness.

So what do we get instead of exposition? A weak, one-dimensional, flop.

Berry plays Patience Phillips, a designer for an upscale advertising agency. She dies and is reborn, thanks to Midnight, a cat with ties to ancient Egypt, who gives her life again. As a result Patience becomes Catwoman, and. . .

Nothing.

Yes: She can move and leap like a cat, she can and does move across the tops of her furniture, just like a feline, she can and does land on her feet, after great falls, but. . . so? There is more to a cat than just this.

We get a hint and glimpse now and again for what Catwoman could be, but why just tease us? Why not let us into the secret world of Catwoman and see things from her perspective? For example, when she and her boyfriend, a cop, Tom Lone (Benjamin Bratt), make love we don't see the explicit aspects of it, but we do see a claw mark on his shoulder the morning after.

And who could have given him that, do you suppose?

I digress. Somewhere in the ruins that are the plot we are introduced to Patience. As noted, she works for a major company, a corporation, that is introducing a new beauty product that gives women eternal youth, unless they stop taking it, in which case they come to resemble burn unit victims. Patience learns this ugly truth, this horrible fact, is assaulted and attacked by security guards, ends up in a sewage pipe, and dies. Which is when the aforementioned Midnight finds her, and brings her back to life.

Now she has a dual identity: By day she is Patience, by night she is the sex kitten, er, vixen, the dominatrix, Catwoman.

I wanted to enjoy this movie, given it was fare geared for the younger set. But after just thirty minutes I found myself thinking that if I got up RIGHT NOW and slipped out I could catch the remainder of another movie in the next theater.

But if I did, well, I had already paid the price of admission, and if I left then you would have to pay the price to see a movie not worth a dollar.

About the Author:

James C. Hess graduated from the University of Colorado at Boulder, where he earned a Bachelor's Degree in English Literature, with an emphasis on Editorial Journalism and Film Studies.

Hess currently makes his home along the Front Range of the Colorado Rockies.

Article courtesy of http://www.suite101.com.